Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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