We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
