tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
