it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
