4 words: hood of his car
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The beer is more important than you right now.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
