it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
