Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
