His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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