It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
