Sry I called you an 8
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
