I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
