3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
