well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
