I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
