My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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