checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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