margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
