You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
