Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
