I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
being pregnant is like rehab
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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