I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So much rum. So many feels.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
