I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
