Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
