I just made out with a guy for $7.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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