I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
