What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
