My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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