Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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