you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
