i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
