hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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