My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
