just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
there is glitter all over my balls
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