The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I have post one night stand depression
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