That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
