just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
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