no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
