im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dear god my vagina.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
