reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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