what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
