Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
