i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
