My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
if only i could text you this smell
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
its liver damage thursday
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
