I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
