....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
