Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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