Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
