You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We need to get me chipped asap
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
