she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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