whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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