I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
