happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
