I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
