so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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